All is not fair in love and war


Stereotypically, women’s greatest aim is to fall in love. This was the ideal of decades past, and finding love I think is still the ideal of many modern women like me and you. Men are not conditioned to the same extent as women when growing up to place as much importance on love. But, is it a case of finding love at any cost? The betrayal of a best friend is hard to stomach, especially when it is over a man. I mean, the sisterhood has unwritten rules, a code to live by, much like the brotherhood. But do the gloves come off where love is concerned? They certainly do for women.

It is said that nothing is black or white; there is much to be considered in any given situation, and there are always two sides to every story but I have to disagree. Although I am an understanding person, I do think some things fall under the ‘black’ and ‘white’ category. No ‘grey’.

When your friend is having difficulties with a man in her life, it is the friend’s duty to provide support and comfort. In the case of my close friend, let’s call her Beth; she performed these duties well and good, but it is this false sense of security that made the betrayal so painful. For Beth to lie compulsively for months when approached about any involvement with this man, let’s call him James, is just unforgivable. I must stress that even the entertaining of any relations with James would be something that I would sort in the ‘black’ category, whether she was honest about it or not-after all, it is an unwritten rule for women to not become involved with exes and the like of your friends, not to mention common courtesy, surely!

This leads to the ugly truth about love and friendship. For many women, unfortunately, a shot at love does trump friendship. ‘No, you’re wrong! What about the sisterhood?’ you might say. The sisterhood appears to be in place as long as love and a chance of happiness do not come in between two women, I feel. It is a veneer that advocates the support of women by women…well, until a man comes along.

International woman’s day falls on March 8th every year and it reminds us of the extent that women are a minority. Even in the UK, a developed, leading country, we are still not equal to men. On this day in particular, we celebrate womanhood in solidarity to raise awareness of the journey ahead towards true equality. But my question is why can’t this solidarity translate with our friendships too?

Not all friendships are as weak as mine was and not all friends are bad ones but needless to say my friendship imploded. I do think that a chance for love and happiness at the expense of your friendship is one too good to turn down for many women, as good a friend as they may appear to be. Controversial? Maybe. The sisterhood may not be dead, but it does appear to have its weaknesses, so tread carefully!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *