Its great being single because I do not need a man to define me


The comments keep coming and they don’t seem to stop.  It seems so baffling to many people that “a lady  like me” has never had a boyfriend in my life, and they seem so surprised.  Some people tend to pity me, and as I get older I am starting to realise that some people view me with suspicion.

It’s so weird to me.  I don’t think it’s anything to be shocked by.  Some people are in relationships, and some people aren’t.  That’s how I see things, but then again I realise that a relationship status is not black-and-white.  We still live in a society where a woman is defined by being in a relationship with a man and that’s unfortunate, and (quite frankly) a bit bizarre.  As a young woman I don’t need others – including a man – to define me.  I define myself.

How can I be single, especially after all this time?  Well, that’s easy – I’m just not in a relationship and I have never been.  There are many reasons for this, but the main reason why I have never been in a relationship is because I haven’t met a guy who fulfills my expectations.  I have met a lot of men in my life who do not respect women, and I’ve met men who don’t seem to have the same attitude that I have when it comes to what a relationship entails.  I have a lot of morals and personal values that I adhere to, and I am not willing to sacrifice those – and who I am – for any man, especially for a man who isn’t for me.

How do I cope being single?  I cope very well.  I have never been the type of woman to “need” a man so I can manage without having a man in my life.  I don’t “need” a man or a relationship to complete me or form a part of my identity.  I am who I am, I enjoy my own company and a relationship doesn’t define me.  I always think that it’s important to be secure and happy with yourself before getting significantly involved with someone else.  Up until recently, I suffered from extremely low self-esteem and I had feelings of self-loathing, so I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to enter a relationship.

I’m in a position now where I’d be happy to have a relationship as long as I’m with the right guy, but I’m not desperate to be in a relationship, and I’m happy being single!  I’m fine!  I’m satisfied!  It’s okay to be single!  I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything and I’m fine on my own.  I don’t feel sorry for myself.  I don’t feel like something’s wrong with me because I don’t have a man.  I don’t think I’m strange, odd and unusual for not needing a relationship.  If I end up in a loving, healthy, happy and fulfilling relationship anytime soon then that’s great, but if I stay single then that’s great too.

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