How to be the perfect husband

How to be a perfect husband

 

How to be the perfect husband

The internet has graciously provided us women with information on how to be a perfect wife. You know the usual stop being angry, satisfy your mans needs,the best way to a mans heart is through his stomach,  stop being a nag and remember that you are not human just a sex toy. Oh yeah finally, be a good girl but you need to have the same skills as a ‘slag’. So with all the lovely advice I thought I would graciously provide my own requirements.

Have something we can work with. There has been many lies that size doesn’t matter but to clarify it does. Too small well what’s the point and too big, I don’t want to feel like a stuffed turkey and being pummeled internally. So when I say something to work with I mean I need something to work with and not either sides of the extremes.  Your welcome.

Cook- I can’t cook it’s as simple as that. I bake scones they get called stones. I cook rice and the following day my mum cooked before I could to apparently save me from having to cook. In other words I am trying to save myself because I can no longer deal with the torture device you call food. I love to eat but I just can’t cook so someone in the household needs to be able to cook or else we better make friends with the manager of our closest Chinese restaurant.

If you can’t cook and neither can I then we need the money to be able to sustain ourselves for the duration of our courtship. You need to be able to work hard and play hard. Yep, I love money just like the next person but we gotta have fun.

DIY- because even though I can do my own DIY I really don’t want to. Besides chipping and damaging my nails that I am forever growing is becoming tedious

Allow me to have my me times- I get that the only time a guy really understands when a female masturbates is in front of a camera and for their personal entertainment. But for my own sanity and probably yours after a while. This is the only time I don’t have to think about anyone except myself and my needs.

Look good- This  is something that I notice comes with being in a relationship. Yes, love is blind and hopefully I would never notice that beer belly you have grown, your unkempt beard that you know I hate and your overgrown toenails that is currently tearing through your shoes but just like everything love fades and I will one day start to notice.

Finally,  if the sex is shit we won’t be getting married so there’s no point in going through this. If you have to ask whether I orgasmed I obviously didn’t. Because trust me there is no hiding it.

My requirements are a lot more simpler and attainable than the other contrived information I have seen for women. To round up Cook, make money, have fun, have a decent sized penis and be amazing in bed. Simples.

Image credit: www.shockblast.net

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